Tuesday, November 20, 2007

64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Newfie's Cure Alls and Magical Elixirs -- Part One

According to my friend Newfie, pine sap is a definate "must have" when creating a Newfie First Aid Kit. Not only does it coat and heal cuts and minor abrasions, it stops scars from forming, prevents infections and promotes new skin cells. He also told me if you ever find yourself alone and feel a heart attack coming on, just take a deep breath, hold your stomach, and cough as hard as you can. He couldn't explain how this was suppose to stop the attack, but assured me that it does. Hmmmm, guess I can just throw out my CPR card now. More cure-all's to come.... Stay tuned!**

The above is meant for entertainment purposes only. These are not proven medical treatments and should not be interpreted as such.

Looking at the Inside of My Eyelids

Yesterday, after my third 16 hour shift in a row, I stumbled into my bedroom, and into a coma. Only problem? Less than six hours before I had to report back to work. Did I set the alarm clock? Did I feed the animals? Turn off all the lights? I had spent an hour preparing food for the upcoming shift, taking a shower, pulling clothes from the dryer, washing dishes and pinning up my uniform. Teeth brushed? ID card and Swipe Card next to cell phone and earrings to be put on, all lying together on top of the dresser? Was the cell phone plugged into the charger? The garbage needs to go out to the can in the garage... mental note.(Please, no furry surprises this time!) Did I mail the check for the electric bill yet? I think I need stamps? How much milk is left for daughter's cereal in the morning? The truck has gas, right? Oh yeah, I filled it up before I came home. I really should clean the gutters when I'm off from work. Still have to winterize.... pull the covers up over my head, EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH EHH.... Noooooo! Not yet! I just closed my eyes!